Hey Teen! redouble your efforts! You need to accomplish high in life! Sound’s familiar? I presume, it holds true for many parents.Of course, why not?It’s absolutely fine to expect from your kid.
Traditionally, parents can’t escape, having expectations from children. Framing a parental perspective, “I have invested time, energy, life to my kids, they are the world to me, so its fine to expect from them”! For few others who wish,child live their unfulfilled dreams. At the end of the day, it goes easy to say “I am wanting best for my child!”
Psychologically, parental expectations are an aspect of parental attitudes and are the hopes and aspirations that parents might have for their children, in terms of, for example, their educational attainment, occupational status etc.
Inquisitive about why…how… expectations arise? Maybe it’s all about parental concern, as they being aware about the intense academic and professional competition.Today, by the time an adolescent graduate they are already into internships, online courses for advancement of academic growth. So, a bothering thought for a parent “My child shouldn’t be left behind”!
In adherence with the above, it’s essential,for a parent to draw a line between realistic and unrealistic expectations. But how ……?Here, it goes…. let’s re-define parental expectations with the possible resolutions for all those yearning parents:
· Avoid expecting perfectionism from your child! Just think, when as parent we can’t be perfect, then why expect from your child?
· Know what success means to your child!! Parent and the child sometimes have different visions of what success looks like to them. Best remedy would be to talk, discuss! It leads to developing realistic expectations.
· Know your child’s scientific ability. Understanding,the child has a strong ability in Math, a parent having high aspirations for his achievement in the subject would obviously motivate the child study well and perform too.
· Tap your child’s Interest!
Interest is a powerful motivational process that energizes learning, guides academic and career trajectories, and is essential to academic success. So,know the child’s realistic interest. He aspires to be a designer and you wish he opts for a career as a doctor, it would lead to unrealistic expectation at your end.
· Today’s parents want their child to be involved in as many activities as possible. Before doing so, a robust proposal would be a mutual heart to heart talk with them, ask them, know them. Are they mentally ready for it?
· As parent, you may think comparing your child with others would help them to see it as challenge. However, it doesn’t hold realistic. Remember, whenever you compare your child, it slowly eats away their confidence, thus would make them feel unworthy.
· Be okay if a child makes a poor choice once in a while. Narrate episodes about times that you have failed at something before and what you did to change the outcome the next time. Reassure them that mistakes are something all human beings make.
· Remember, did u ever lie to your parents? Well, yes. Similarly, we cannot expect our children to be honest all the time. Not to say, you shouldn’t check them when you uncover their lies. But don’t have expectations that may leave you disappointed.
· Your kid can’t be happy all the time! It’s a big Okay! Unlike adults, kids too have bad days. They just got into an argument with their friends or some instances can lead to them having mood swings. To expect them to be in a good mood all the time is asking too much of them.
· Lastly, don’t pour over your apprehensions on the child! Surely, it would be a loss affair!Its totally agreeable, as a parent having worries for your child but you need to go slow and take need-based steps. Focus on the goal setting technique of working on immediate goals followed by short term and long-term goals for your child’s career growth!
Strike the right chord at the right time: Setting right expectations is an everlasting balancing act!!
Arti Desai (Counseling Psychologist)
1stOctober 2021
Parul Joshi
Very nice explanation….
For parents…There expectations are very high…like Dil mange more…but here are very useful points for parents to look after their chid ???
Jayasree
Nice article and indeed a needed one though.
We shall allow our kids and children to choose and be themselves and they would learn through it. Not always their choice need to be right and not always we need to correct them for perfection.
Keep writing Arti. I loved it.
Am sure many parents would get benefitted through your writing.
Riddhi Shah
Hello ma’am,
Every time I read your post I learn new ways on parenting…sometimes some methods I already know but I tend to overlook it….your post brushes my ways of parenting…Thank you very much ma’am for your guidance and support.